She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
