btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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