I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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