if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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