there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
