I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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