I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
