You work out of a Hotel?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
