My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
