She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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