So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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