Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
