what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
