he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just googled if crying burns calories
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
