U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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