I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
