I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
