i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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