never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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