How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
