He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
