and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
