haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
