hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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