I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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