the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
