i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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