The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
