I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
