Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
