he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
