i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
