My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
