Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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