sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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