If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
