a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
operation have a gay friend backfired
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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