I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize