Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
