it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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