i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Found your dick twin last night
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I believe in your delicious
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
