Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
