whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Couch. On fire.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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