There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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