It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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