Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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