curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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