I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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