i think my mom watched the whole time
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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