I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Randomize
