he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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