Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
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Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
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that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.