I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
