My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
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i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
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You are a booty call, not a friend.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."