She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.