I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.