She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.