I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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