Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I intend to get homeless drunk
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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