We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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