Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
