well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
