You smell like stripper and shame
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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