I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
