Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
