So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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