I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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