i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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