tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
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