Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize