I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
