I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
