The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
