everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
