we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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