I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
