Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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