I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
