I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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