So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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