I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
