people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
