My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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